The ironic thing about feeling lonely is that you’re not alone. Loneliness is so pervasive that U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called it an “epidemic” in a 2023 advisory. The World Health Organization is also sounding the alarm about loneliness on a global scale, saying it’s a public health and policy issue for all age groups, especially older adults.
“Humans are very social beings,” says Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., LP of Veritas Psychology Partners. “Loneliness leads to poorer health outcomes. I come back to this singular fact again and again when I talk with my clients.”
However, societal pressures to ignore signs of loneliness are real (and harmful).
“We are taught to be tough and laud the person who made it on their own or pulled themselves up by their bootstraps,” Dr. MacBride says. “The danger is being isolated and lacking in true belonging, then we see more negative outcomes across the various aspects of our health.”
Understanding the early signs of loneliness can help you help yourself or lend a necessary hand and ear to a loved one. Dr. MacBride and other psychologists share symptoms of loneliness and isolation and how to cope.
Related: This Is the Exact Age When We Tend to Feel the Most Lonely—and What to Do About It
11 Early Signs of Loneliness, According to Psychologists
1. Decreasing social interactions
Dr. MacBride says reducing social interactions can start small—eating lunch in your career instead of with a pal four times weekly instead of twice—and gradually lead to isolationism.
“If someone starts spending less time with friends and family, it shows us they are pulling away from others,” Dr. MacBride says.
However, Dr. MacBride emphasizes that support is essential, and reducing social interactions can make getting help harder.
2. Difficulty finding social events
School offers built-in opportunities to socialize at lunch and on the playgrounds. There are also often tons of in-school parties around holidays, plus activities like team sports and volunteer clubs. Spouses and partners can also provide a go-to person to hang out with. When these things go away because of graduations, breakups or even death, Dr. MacBride says it can be jarring and isolating. If you feel like there’s no way to get involved or find a connection, it may be an early sign and risk factor that you’re lonely.
Related: People Who Felt Lonely as Children Usually Develop These 13 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
3. Social anxiety
Sometimes, people may avoid social interactions altogether because of social anxiety.
“Social anxiety happens because as we get out of practice in being in social situations, the idea of being around other people can begin to feel intimidating,” says Dr. Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT, a psychologist and the host of the podcast “Like-Minded with Dr. Patrice.”
4. Feeling like something is missing
You may simply feel off or like you’re missing out on something.
“This may look like seeing a friend or relative’s pictures on social media with others and feeling sadness or yearning,” says Dr. Larissa Redziniak, Psy.D with Thriveworks.
5. Low self-esteem or self-worth
This one can also sneak up on you, going ignored until it begins causing more harm.
“Over time, you may begin to believe there is something wrong with you or that you are not worth getting to know or spending time with,” Dr. Redziniak says.
Dr. Le Goy agrees.
“We may talk ourselves out of reaching out to people and might feel like, ‘Well, they won’t want to talk to me anyway,’ even when that may not be the case,” Dr. Le Goy says.
Related: This One Common Habit Is Actually Holding You Back, According to a Psychologist—Here’s Why
6. Hopelessness
Hopelessness can be a sign of “late-stage” loneliness, but it may also be an early flag and something that prevents you from seeking connection.
“We may also feel hopeless and have a hard time believing that we can be happy or have genuine connections with other people,” Dr. Le Goy says.
7. Unmet basic needs
Basic needs like eating nourishing meals and getting seven to eight hours of sleep per night help us survive and thrive. However, people starting to feel lonely may neglect these building block habits.
“When we are connected with others, especially when we have enough physical connection, we tend to sleep better,” says Dr. Hannah Yang, Psy.D., the visionary of Balanced Awakening. “Sometimes, we may not realize that we’re not getting enough connection with others, and it shows up as problems with sleep or extra fatigue.”
Ditto for not a change in eating rhythms.
“If we lose our appetites…that could be due to concerns about loneliness,” Dr. Le Goy says.
8. Spike in social media use
It’s natural to head to social media when you feel disconnected.
“Sometimes, when we crave connection, we subconsciously attempt to get it by spending time browsing social media,” Dr. Yang says. “That can be a way of feeling included and connected on some level, but it may be an attempt to fill a bigger need than what this more removed way of connecting can provide.”
9. Binge-watching TV
Another screen-related sign of loneliness? Binging Netflix (or other streamers or old-fashioned cable).
“You might be binge-watching a show to get engrossed in a story where other people are connecting,” Dr. Yang says. “Watching hours of a show where other people are playing out relationships can make us feel like we’re involved in the relationships on the screen, too.”
The ending isn’t always happy (for us), though.
“When the show is over, or the TV is turned off, this type of relationship stops reciprocating,” Dr. Yang says.
10. Increased irritability
When Dr. MacBride speaks with lonely clients about their support systems, she says they often only have one or two people they can rely on for help. In both cases, one of those people is the client themselves.
“That’s a pretty small support system,” Dr. MacBride says.
It can lead to increased irritability and shorter fuses.
“Often, this is directly related to their disappointment that they perceive that others are not there for them,” Dr. MacBride says. “Lots of times, they tell me it’s because they don’t have anyone they can trust.”
Unfortunately, irritability can worsen isolation.
“It’s hard to want to get close to someone who snaps at you, and again, can create a self-fulfilling cycle,” Dr. MacBride says.
11. Physical symptoms
Here’s a reminder that physical and mental health can go hand in hand.
“Isolation and loneliness are an increased stress response,” Dr. MacBride says. “In our bodies, a stress response can show up as inflammation. This inflammation can result in physical problems, such as feeling fatigued, headaches and even digestive problems.”
It sets off another vicious cycle.
“These physical symptoms can result in someone deciding to stay home instead of seeing friends or going to an event, thus further intensifying loneliness,” Dr. MacBride says.
Related: 11 Phrases That Signal a Person’s Lonely, According to Psychologists
How To Cope With Loneliness
1. Reconnect with yourself
Internal work can help you find external connections, especially during transitions where relationships phase out and new ones form. Think graduations, new parenthood and retirement. Dr. Yang recommends journaling and tuning into your real desires.
“When you have some freedom from social obligations, it’s an easier time to ask yourself, ‘What do I want to do today?'” she says. “Then, try to honor what your inner self comes up with as much as you can. Doing this can help you more intentionally make connections with people in the future, in turn buffering yourself from loneliness.
2. Initiate contact
Taking the first step in establishing or re-establishing a relationship, such as with a colleague who seems cool or an old friend you miss, can be the most challenging.
“Sometimes, people stop themselves from doing this because they are afraid of rejection, but making or re-establishing these important connections can be worth the risk,” Dr. Le Goy says.
3. Get active
Dr. Le Goy says that pursuing a hobby, volunteering or signing up for group fitness can help you meet new people and find community. Just remember: Slow and steady.
“I don’t advise rushing into a million activities to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being alone,” Dr. Le Goy says. “It can be really valuable to learn to enjoy your own company.”
4. Adopt a pet
Aw, really? You bet.
“Pets can help us to feel less lonely and comfort us during hard times,” Dr. Redziniak says. “It can also have other benefits, such as getting exercise when walking your dog and meeting other dog owners.”
Dr. Redziniak cautions that a pet is a long-term commitment, so it’s important to consider your schedule, lifestyle and finances first.
5. Cognitive therapy
You don’t have to dig out of lonely feelings alone. Sometimes, an objective third party can help you develop skills you can use to establish connections.
“When your brain is telling you, ‘They don’t want me anyway, so I won’t go,’ consider cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to help you challenge that little voice,” Dr. MacBride says.
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