-
Paul Ollinger was Facebook’s vice president of sales before he left the company.
-
He grew up middle class with a scarcity mindset, he said.
-
Today, he wants to teach his own kids about priorities and gratitude.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Paul Ollinger, author of “Reasonably Happy: The Skeptics Guide to Achievable Contentment.” It has been edited for length and clarity.
I grew up one of six kids in Atlanta. When I was around 11, my dad was taking me to get my first cavity filled. I was super nervous, but my dad, it turns out, was thinking about money. As we walked in, he said, “Don’t get the novocaine. It’s $20.”
That anecdote sums up everything about finances in my childhood home. My father worked for the power company, so he always had a job, but he was never rich. I had everything I needed, but scarcity was the subtext of our economic reality.
That’s very different from how my own kids, who are 13 and 15, are being raised. I was one of the first 250 employees at Facebook. I left the company about 13 years ago, but due to good pay and stock options, I’ll likely never need to work again as long as I make smart choices.
That means my kids are growing up in a very different financial reality. When my son was 7, he came home from one of his even richer friend’s house. He said, “When are we going to hire a chef?”
The reaction in my head is one I can’t repeat here. I wanted to yell, “A chef? The only chef I grew up with was Chef Boyardee!” But I realized my son only knew what he sees.
I joked about sending my kids to middle-class camp at Grandpa’s, where they had to face horrors like having a fan instead of air conditioning. I approach the difference between my upbringing and theirs with humor, but the truth is no one imagines raising kids in an economic situation that’s so vastly different from how they were raised.
One book that’s helped me greatly is “The Opposite of Spoiled” by Ron Lieber. He talks about the importance of giving kids allowance, because that allows them to make mistakes with small amounts of money.
My wife and I give the kids a modest monthly allowance. That means we don’t have to talk with them about money every day, and they weigh up whether they really want something, like a new soccer ball.
It’s important to me that the kids know that money isn’t in endless supply. If they buy X, they might not have enough money to buy Y. Although I have substantial wealth, I still prioritize my financial decisions.
