Well, it’s September, which means, in the eyes of people on the internet, it’s Fall. Let’s look back on the longest/shortest summer ever.
Here are the tweets that got me through:
1.
Could really go for one of these bad boys right now. Only if it comes with the wooden spoon, though. The wood is half the flavor. pic.twitter.com/2c71tDAi1D
— Shelby Novak (@shelbybnovak) June 7, 2024
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C-SPAN/Twitter: @kristin__wilson
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Nickelodeon/Twitter: @jayythewave
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Googled “Why am I ashamed to desire anything?” and then remembered I was raised Catholic and closed the tab
— JULIA (@S0UND0FMETAL) June 5, 2024
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“lgbt” stands for “lets go by train” because queer people LOVE public transit
— dalton 🥥🌴 (@indaltonwetrvst) June 8, 2024
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I hate Apps that shut off your music when u open them like how fu*king important do you think you are
— 𝖘𝖆𝖚𝖈𝖊 🎭 . (@greedobaby) June 10, 2024
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I wonder if shampoo and conditioner are friends irl or if it’s purely professional
— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) June 14, 2024
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hating your friend’s boyfriend is a lost art
— ruhi (@cuntrave) June 19, 2024
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You should be able to google why a couple broke up
— ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ (@bendergirlfrend) June 24, 2024
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The best feature of any accommodation I’ve ever stayed in is this duck, whose face appears at the back door whenever we crack open some snacks. 5 stars pic.twitter.com/pmNdVct4XJ
— Glenys Norquay (@glenisilla) July 6, 2024
32.
a woman at the grocery store spent a full minute staring at these trying to figure out if they were normal nutella or some kind of weird variantyour clever redesign is someone else’s source of stress pic.twitter.com/7Y2yH1QgYy
— caesararum, BS, DOGS (@caesararum) July 7, 2024
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There hasn’t been 24 hours of peace in this country since 2019. Jesus take the wheel.
— OKSOTHICK. (@SophAintSayIt) July 21, 2024
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I can’t believe we used to pay for ringtones. If my phone rang now, I’d take a hammer to it.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) July 23, 2024
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why do finance men wear backpacks. What’s inside there. The money???
— delia (@delia_cai) July 24, 2024
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So Trump is a sexual predator, and Vance is a sectional predator?
— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) July 25, 2024
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people who work from home looove to be like ‘did you watch the olympics today’
— Meg ✨ (@mxgbx) July 31, 2024
72.
No babe I like yours… you actually have a huge advantage at pole vaulting
— Kelsey Ryan (@420weedteen) August 5, 2024
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I just know Tim Walz could teach me how to drive stick shift without making me cry once
— Carrie Courogen (@carriecourogen) August 7, 2024
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Every new fact I learn about Tim Walz is like “he once donated his life’s savings to buying a puppy hearing aids”
— gianmarco (@GianmarcoSoresi) August 7, 2024
76.
Tim Walz says “I hated it” to every single waitress who comes to take his empty plate away.
— Phillip (@MajorPhilebrity) August 7, 2024
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L.A traffic during the 2028 olympics is going to be a level of hell that hasn’t been created yet.
— Tre James (@TiricoHairline) August 11, 2024
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OJ White Bronco chase highways should be the Opening Ceremony route for LA 2028.
— Rob Perez (@WorldWideWob) July 26, 2024
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We went from August 1st to Aug 15th in just 5 mins. It’ll be Christmas in a few hrs
— Chris (@iamchriscorooo) August 15, 2024
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If I say “I’m hungry’ we got about 11 minutes before I change personalities
— Billy Club (@BillyFuckinClub) August 17, 2024
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The DNC is just Coachella for Poli-Sci majors
— Jill Hopkins (@Jillhopkins) August 21, 2024
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Maybe the surprise guest was the friends we made along the way
— B.W. Carlin (@BaileyCarlin) August 23, 2024
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Another unconscionable lie from Tim Walz:In 2017 Tim was reportedly at a friend’s house and said, “Welp, I gotta head out.” But then stood in the entry way to chat for another 75 minutes!Which is it Tim? Do you “gotta head out” or not??
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) August 25, 2024
99. And lastly:
