Coming to the realization that you have been struggling with your mental health is different for everybody, especially because everybody has a different definition of “normal.” So, I decided to ask members of the BuzzFeed Community who have struggled with their mental health to tell me what things they thought were totally normal — or what they thought everyone thought about (or did) — before they got mental health help. Here are their answers:
1.“Prior to being diagnosed with Bipolar I at 31 years old, I thought that everyone heard ‘phantom noises’ — like knocks, low-pitch disembodied music, [or] a friend mumbling when they had not spoken at all — and saw things like flashes of color [or] movement in their peripheral that they understood to be their ‘mind playing tricks on them.'”
“Turns out those are hallucinations, and I’ve been having them since childhood! The more ya know…”
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2.“Did not necessarily think it was ‘normal,’ but I brushed a lot of symptoms off as [my] being a perfectionist.”
“In reality, I learned from therapy that there is a form of OCD called ‘Just Right’ which I am confident applies to me.”
3.“The look the doctor gave me when he asked if I had suicidal thoughts, and I responded with, ‘Well yeah everyone does, you just learn to not listen to them right?'”
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A person with a surprised expression in a bar, wearing a leather jacket and chain necklace. TV show logo in the corner
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4.“Before I was diagnosed, I thought [everyone’s] feelings were as intense as mine, and I was just weak for not tolerating the crushing sadness or boiling rage that came after the slightest inconvenience.”
“During my early adulthood, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, [one of the main features of which is] unstable and intense emotions.
I also thought that just randomly dissociating mid-conversation and finding it extremely hard to concentrate was normal, and I just lacked discipline. I just got diagnosed with ADHD, at 34. 😬”
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5.“I used to think that everybody learned how to act in public by carefully observing other people and consciously imitating them. Turns out I actually have Asperger’s Syndrome.”
6.“I thought it was normal to freeze in place with every conflict.”
7.“Oh, this is a good question… [I learned] It’s not healthy for a person to fantasize about what it would be like to just drive off the bridge or the road.”
“Biting my nails until my fingers were bleeding was a symptom of my anxiety and depression.
The random noises, chewing, or tapping that were causing me a lot of anxiety and anger was misophonia, worsened by stress.
I thought it was normal for everyone to have frequent vivid nightmares from childhood into adulthood.
I would count random things when driving, like light poles, but I’d do it by clenching my teeth on the left side of my mouth, then next tap on the other side of my mouth. Sometimes, it would be my fingers tapping my left and then my right leg. Figured out this was my brain attempting to regulate itself using bilateral rhythm movements.”
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8.“I assumed that everyone thought about killing themselves several times a day, and like me, just kept it to themselves and didn’t take it too seriously. I was diagnosed with chronic depression in my early 40s.”
9.“I didn’t realize ’til I started a good medication about two years ago that my emotions were OUT of control.”
“I was so disconnected from reality, too. I handled my emotions well, but I never realized how intensely I felt over the smallest things and how a small issue could knock my whole world down. I did nothing but overthink and daydream 24/7.
Now that I’m on a good anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, nothing really bothers me anymore. It changed SO much. I’m relaxed most of the time, I barely daydream or overthink and I only get bothered over big issues now. I feel things, like… normally now. It’s so amazing.”
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10.“[I thought that] being extremely rational as [a means of] escape so as not to be emotional was a good and healthy thing. Spoiler alert: it is not.”
11.“For the longest time, I thought everyone had suicidal thoughts. I thought it was just something we all fought through. It wasn’t until I started therapy that I realized I was wrong.”
“Same. Started getting them at around 10. Was really bad in my early teens. But I got into therapy and got on the right medication. I’m 25 now, and they haven’t completely gone away, but it’s way less frequent and I know how to handle those thoughts now.”
“Absolutely agree. I was floored when my therapist told me that thinking about dying every day was not something a lot of people do.”
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12.“Being verbally abusive to myself. Telling myself daily that I’m a fuck-up, a failure, that no one loves me, no one would miss me if I died, etc. I went to a new therapist who told me, ‘You wouldn’t say that to someone you love, so why are you saying it to yourself?'”
“I’ve been in therapy for years for chronic depression, and that is the statement that has always stood out to me.”
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13.“I thought my flashbacks were normal. I assumed for a really long time that it was my brain reminding me of ‘cringe’ moments that were actually super traumatic.”
“But I really thought everybody meant the same thing when they talked about thinking of some cringe memory and being kept awake at night by it.
I also thought adults normally experienced nightmares frequently until I saw an episode of House. 💀 I have CPTSD.”
—Anonymous
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14.“I was raised by narcissists in a smallish town. I thought it was normal to obsessively judge the visual aesthetics of things, especially of other people, because they literally beat that stuff into my head as a child, and I wasn’t exposed to much else growing up.”
“When I moved out on my own I kept getting called shallow and judgmental by people, and I was very confused until someone sat me down and explained to me that it is, in fact, not normal to openly judge the ‘looks’ of other people and express this to them so directly, if at all.
I’m doing better now but TBH, that knee-jerk reaction is still down there. Childhood trauma is serious, people. Get help; don’t continue the cycle with your children.”
—Anonymous
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15.“I thought that everyone heard their name being called from off in the distance. Turns out that I had schizophrenia.”
—Anonymous
16.“I lived as a Type-1 Diabetic for 20 years before realizing it. I believed that everyone got irritated and thirsty after eating, and you could tell it was time to eat by how you got cold and began to tremble. I struggled with Binge-Eating Disorder and Anorexia for almost a decade during this period.”
“I’d only really eat one large meal every few days or so, so I thought [my symptoms] had something to do with my erratic eating habits.
When I actually began recovering from my eating disorders, I was really held back because I thought my hyperglycemia symptoms were just my body reacting to the food badly. I ended up collapsing at one point and being to the hospital, where I had to be treated for diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA).
Now that I have a handle on my diabetes and eating disorders alike, I like eating a bit more than I used to, but my relationship with food is still complicated!”
—Lucy
HBO
17.“Chronic hypervigilance.”
“Constantly being on guard, scanning my environment, and noticing the slightest changes in other people (behavior, tone, facial expression, you name it).
I was always told I had great emotional intelligence and that my awareness showed my care for other people. No, my hypervigilance is a trauma response used as a defense mechanism that I can’t turn off to this day despite medication and lots of therapy.”
—Anonymous
18.“I had Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and I thought it was normal to feel like I wanted to die for a week before my period every month.”
“I literally spent days in my room with the curtains blocked out, crying and having panic attacks. I thought this was a normal part of menstruation until I was 30 years old. I remember talking to people about periods and them being like, ‘What? That is not normal.’
So grateful medication helped. But it took a total hysterectomy and oophorectomy at 38 to finally cure me. PMDD is no joke.”
—Anonymous
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19.“I have OCD and its compulsions are based on perceived harm I have caused others. My mind would be convinced I had done something I hadn’t.”
“[I would do things like turn] around to check whether I had hit a cyclist who I had passed with plenty of space. I would get home from journeys without incident, but my mind would analyze every detail. Sometimes, it would lead me to go out and retrace my steps, which was useless as if anything had happened by then, the incident would probably have been cleared.
I thought over-checking or turning back to check was considerate and caring… it was only until I started CBT that I was enlightened to the fact it was driven by a constant cycle of thought: anxiety, compulsion, check, and relief. Then it would just start all over again by finding a different way to worry about it.
I can’t stop the thoughts now, even with treatment, but at least I know what they are, and I try not to give in to them. I’m a safe driver, I’ve never had an accident. I try to remember ‘facts, not feelings.'”
—Anonymous
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20.And finally: “Two things: one, I thought it was normal to not remember your childhood.”
“My sisters talk about all these things that happened [when we were kids] and I have no recollection of them, even of the good stuff like the trip to Disney World when I was 10. Turns out I was repressing a LOT of past memories because of how tainted they were by my father’s anger.
Two; my avoidance of conflict. I know that I don’t like conflict or confrontation, and I hate when people get angry. It terrifies me to my core because in the past, it starts with anger at one thing then it gets turned onto me just for being there.
I didn’t realize this wasn’t normal until my mother and my sister had a fight when I was 20 and I sprinted upstairs and considered leaving the house because of it. I was so anxious that their anger would shift to me. When they got done arguing my sister came upstairs and was like, ‘Where’d you go???'”
—Anonymous
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Feel free to share your thoughts down below, especially if you’ve had a similar experience or realization regarding mental health. Or, if you have something to say, you can check out this anonymous Google form!
Who knows — your comment may be included in an upcoming BuzzFeed article.
Some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
