Money is one of the top reasons couples fight – and when one partner hasn’t worked for over a decade, tensions only rise. This was the case for a woman who recently called into financial advisor Dave Ramsey’s show, seeking advice on what to do about her husband, who’s been unemployed for 13 years. Despite his Ph.D. in pharmaceutical chemistry, he hasn’t held a job since his layoff in 2011, leaving her as the sole breadwinner.
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As she described how they’d moved across the country, sought counseling and even enlisted resume help, Ramsey listened closely before giving her some straight talk: “This has nothing to do with the mechanics of finding a job … He doesn’t want to work.”
The woman explained that her husband’s layoff coincided with shifts in the pharmaceutical industry and the economic crash, which made finding a comparable job difficult. But, as she’s rebuilt her career, she’s increasingly felt that his job search has been less than active. Ramsey laid it out: “Behavior is a language. What’s he been telling you for a decade? ‘I don’t work.'”
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Co-host Dr. John Delony added that people in similar situations often take whatever work they can find to support their families. Ramsey pointed out, “I know too many people with Ph.D.s who got laid off but went to work at the grocery store or Walmart in the interim.”
The caller admitted she’d encouraged him to find any job just to return to the workforce. Still, the years kept passing. Ramsey’s co-host sympathized, but his message was tough: “This is about getting up off your butt.” He continued, stressing that the woman’s husband must feel the consequences of his inaction. “Somebody’s going to have to love him enough to knock him out of the ditch,” Ramsey advised, “because he ain’t climbing out.”
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The situation became even trickier when she admitted she’d consulted a lawyer, only to find she might have to pay alimony if she left him. For this caller, Ramsey’s advice boiled down to one central theme … love sometimes means helping someone face their reality.
